


I'm Your White Noise, Thrumming In The Background

by Wolverrina



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, College, Communication, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, University, i cried writing it if that helps, i dont really know how to tag this, it probably doesnt, its very sweet, like theres a lot of crying but its fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolverrina/pseuds/Wolverrina
Summary: Written for the prompt: Kuroken comfort: i hate everybody - “if i could make you love me, maybe you could make me love me” from Kenma’s perspective. Set in college.Kenma hates the quiet.In which Kenma talks to Kuroo about their relationship.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	I'm Your White Noise, Thrumming In The Background

### 

**I hate everybody - "If I could make you love me, maybe you could make me love me”**

Kenma narrowed his eyes at the mirror in front of him, shuffling awkwardly from one foot to the other as he tugged at some of his hair that had come loose from the hair tie. The quiet of the room unsettled him slightly. He blew air up into his fringe, causing even more to come free and hang in his face. With a sigh he pulled the hair tie free and let his hair cascade down, falling a little past his shoulders. It really had gotten long, he didn’t hate that. Being able to have the long strands in the front to narrow his field of view, it made him feel… safer? A little more relaxed at least, despite what anyone else said about him being easier to surprise or sneak up on because of it. He slipped the hair tie onto his wrist and grabbed the brush off the dresser beside him. The large mirror hanging on their bedroom wall sometimes left Kenma feeling uncomfortable the longer he used it. As he brushed out his hair he found himself tugging at the blonde tips with mild frustration. He’d never bothered re-dyeing it, seemed too much effort. He wasn’t going blonde again, that had been enough of an attention attractor the first time. Dyeing it all back to black would be a waste of energy. He felt the brush snag for the second time and huffed, he should be doing more, trying harder with his appearance. He winced as he yanked the brush free, grumbling to himself until he felt a hand slide into his hair from behind.

“Ssshh don’t do that, you know it’ll only make it worse” came a low, comforting rumble from somewhere up and behind his head, another hand deftly pulling the brush out of his grip and continuing where he’d stopped, albeit with much more care. Kenma briefly locked eyes with a smiling Kuroo in the mirror and did his best to not show how quickly he relaxed under Kuroo’s gentle ministrations. A quiet chuckle told him he wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

“Shut up” he grumbled, earning him a snicker in response. A quiet beeping from near the roof told him his boyfriend had turned on the air conditioner as he entered their room. With Kuroo now paying attention to his hair, Kenma took the time to study the two of them in the mirror. Though Kenma would rather be caught dead then admit it aloud (unless he was particularly sleepy or tipsy), his boyfriend was handsome. His height, his build, his jawline, even his ridiculous hair all lended themselves toward the kind of guy other people on the college campus would throw themselves at. Kenma grimaced slightly as he took in his own reflection in comparison. The dark circles under his eyes, the baggy hoodie, his hunched shoulders, his hair that he didn’t put enough care into. It felt like the picture of the pair of them painted by the reflective glass’s value was being brought down by him even being there. This is why he didn’t like the mirror.

“Do you want your hair tied back up or loose?” Kuroo asked quietly by his ear, reaching down to tug at the tie still on his wrist. Kenma shrugged and looked away.

“Just out of the way, it’ll look stupid anyway” he muttered. Kuroo snapped the tie against his wrist once before removing it.

“Hush, your hair suits you” Kuroo said sweetly, pressing a gentle kiss to Kenma’s hair as he started fiddling with it. Kenma huffed again and looked away.

“So I’m stupid?” he’d meant it to sound like a tease, but the words sounded a bit too hurt to pull it off well. He flickered his eyes for a millisecond to see Kuroo’s expression before looking away again. It wasn’t enough time to figure out the multiple emotions that seemed to have surfaced in unison. After a slightly stale beat of silence, Kuroo settled on whining as he gently jabbed him in the ribs with two fingers.

“Kenmaaaa! You know what I meant! Jeez, way to make me sound like a bad boyfriend. Ugh” he paused in what was becoming a braid of some kind, though Kenma couldn’t really tell, to press a kiss against the side of his neck. Kenma flinched away as it turned into blowing a raspberry, now taking his turn to jab Kuroo in the ribs. Kuroo huffed some kind of wheeze-laugh and went back to braiding, the only sounds becoming the tall man humming to himself and the air conditioner thrumming quietly.

* * *

A few minutes later, Kenma had pulled his phone out, playing a random idle game he’d recently downloaded when he felt a gentle tug on his hair. He looked up to see Kuroo grinning over his head in the mirror. He knew that smile, it was the ‘I’m very proud of myself and I’m not going to shut up about it until you tell me I did a good job because I have the emotional fortitude of a puppy’ look. At least, that’s what Kenma called it in the privacy of his mind, or when talking to Yaku. He stopped teasing Kuroo and focused on his reflection properly, he was now sporting a french braid that was actually, huh, he looked… Pretty. He shook that thought away and turned around, escaping his own surprised expression. Kuroo’s grin was now in his direct line of sight, troublesome.

“Eh? Eh? What do you think? I did pretty good huh? You should let me braid your hair all the time!” As he continued to poke and prod Kenma, who was now moving towards their bed, all he could do was mutter under his breath a response.

“Yeah, it looks great. Good job.” He knew that it was sometimes easier to give the praise straight away instead of dealing with the poking. Kuroo’s smile became so bright Kenma absentmindedly wondered where his sunglasses might be, as long arms wrapped around his middle. He found his feet leaving the ground to be swung around in a circle a few times before they were both flopped on the bed with very little elegance. The grip on his phone remained tight, practiced. After peppering Kenma’s face with a few kisses, Kuroo settled in with his left shoulder against Kenma’s back, facing the ceiling with unfocused eyes. ‘Vibing’ as he always described it to Kenma, was something he had been doing more and more of recently. Kenma remained on his side, turned away, focusing on his game, the music playing from his tinny phone speaker joining the thrum of the air conditioner as they laid on the bed.

* * *

Fifteen or so minutes had passed, Kenma could tell Kuroo wasn’t asleep, his breathing wasn’t even or slow enough. He frowned slightly at his game, surely he was bored? He wasn’t even on his phone, he was just laying there against him. Now that he thought about it, a lot of the time they spent together was like this. Kenma would be doing something and Kuroo just, existed in the space with him. He felt the uncomfortable sensation of guilt start to worm it’s way through his stomach. Should he be focusing on Kuroo more? Being more actively engaged in their relationship? God, what if Kuroo thought he didn’t care about him?! Other couples always did stuff together, he’d seen it in the relationships his friends had, in movies, strangers on the street. Yet, here Kenma was, more like a houseplant that needed occasional watering instead of an actual partner that was _there_ for him. Kuroo could definitely do better, there were so many people that he could spend time with who would actually put effort into their relationship. What if Kuroo left him? He didn’t want to think about it.

He’d been staring blankly at his screen, eyes unfocused for a few minutes when he heard a sleepy rumble from behind him.

“You’ve been on that menu music for a while there babe are you go- Kenma?” He’d cut himself off as his hand had touched Kenma’s side, feeling just how tense he was. “You okay Kitten?” Kenma became aware of the amount of tension he had been holding in his body and let out a shaky exhale. It didn’t help. Kuroo was now peering over at him, taking in his upset face with a worried furrow to his brow. Kenma made eye contact with that concern and felt like he’d been shot. Why was he so caring? He cared so much for him, always taking care of him and for what? He’d be totally justified giving up, moving on, seeing someone else. Kenma could feel his heart rate skyrocketing at the thought. Would he even be able to tell? If Kuroo stopped loving him, would he notice? As his mind began to spiral, Kuroo gently pried the phone out of his hand, putting it to the side and tried to pull Kenma towards him. The movement jolted Kenma, who nearly took out Kuroo’s chin as he sat up abruptly.

"If- If you stopped loving me would you tell me?" Kenma said with a rush, shoulders tense. Silence followed. Kenma could only take the quiet grating against his nerves for so long before he peaked up through his hair, to see Kuroo, eyes and mouth open wide, expression slowly shifting from shocked to distraught. Kenma grimaced and tried to look away again as Kuroo seemingly searched for a response, but was snapped back into place as the taller man moved. Two strong hands gripped his shoulders and forced him to face Kuroo directly.

“Kenma I- Babe what the fuck are you talking about? Where is this coming from?” Kuroo didn’t seem to notice himself shaking his boyfriend’s shoulders as he spoke, eyes wide, his tone uncharacteristically serious. Kenma started to stutter out some sort of response, but quickly gave up, burying his face in his palms, breathing shallowly. Kuroo startled at the motion, stopping the shaking, leaving them sitting together on the bed, the air conditioner thrumming. Kenma scrubbed his face as he picked his words, wary of the waves of worry his boyfriend was exuding like an aura. He sat back up slowly, avoiding Kuroo’s intense gaze.

“What I mean is… If you weren’t happy with me because of something I’m doing... or _not_ doing, you’d tell me right?” He resolutely looked away, wringing his hands as Kuroo made several half-attempts at a sentence. A puff of air being blown against his eyes forced him to blink and look back, finding the face of a man trying his best to be calm and understanding, but very much screaming on the inside. Kuroo’s voice cracked slightly as he spoke.

“Kitten, can you explain what you mean a bit more? I don't… I don’t understand why you’d ask me that” he said, body tense, fingers fidgeting with the hood of Kenma’s jumper. Kenma felt sick for a moment, maybe they could just forget the whole conversation and he could leave. Escape the room that was somehow stifling, despite that quiet thrum. Kuroo’s grip on his hood seemed to tighten for a second, as if anticipating his plan. He wasn’t getting out of this.

“I just… Sometimes I feel like I’m not paying enough attention to you… Like… I’m supposed to be more… Present when we’re together” each word was like pulling teeth as Kenma’s hands moved up to grip around Kuroo’s wrists, seeking support lest he shatter into a thousand panicked pieces. “It’s like… in a game… I’m making you carry the party through every level, I’m deadweight on our team...I’m not affectionate with you like I should be… and I don’t like PDA. I hate going out to places” a hot prickling sensation behind his eyes didn’t bode well, but he pushed on. He’d been holding all these thoughts inside for so long, that now, with the lid off, they were overwhelming him in their attempts to escape. “I’m just such a shit boyfriend. You deserve so much better than me Kuro. I don’t want you to be stuck dating me if there’s someone out there who could care about you better than I can” Kenma sniffled slightly, trying to will tears to stay behind his eyes where they belonged. He felt stupid. 

“Kenma” came a strangled response, his eyes snapped up to see Kuroo on the verge of tears, a vice like grip now on his boyfriend’s hoodie, shaking slightly under Kenma’s fingers. Kenma’s own swollen eyes were forgotten as he stared at his boyfriend’s distress in mild confusion. Why was he so upset? Kenma wasn’t worth the heartache etched into that expression. Kuroo tried to find his words without bursting into tears. “Kenma, I love you” he croaked out, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and he’d die if Kenma didn’t know it that very second. Kenma’s eyes blew wide as he froze.

“You- you do?” It came out as a harsh exhale, like he’d been punched in the sternum. The doubt in his quavering voice seemed to spur Kuroo into action. He released his tense grip to gently cradle Kenma’s face in his hands, Kenma’s own slack fingers still encircling his wrists.

“I love you so fucking much. I don’t care what people are supposed to do in relationships. I don’t care if other people would be more attentive. I don’t care if other people like PDA. I don’t care about any of that! I care about you! I care about you so fucking much Kitten, I feel like it’s going to set me on fire sometimes. I’m not carrying the team okay, we’re different classes that’s all. You’re my Player 1 Kenma, I fucking adore you” there were definitely tears streaming down Kuroo’s face at this point. “I love you! Not anybody else. I knew what you were like before we started dating. I’ve known you for years Kenma, and I’ve loved you for that long too” he gently brushed his thumbs across Kenma’s own tear-stained cheeks before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Kenma gave a quiet hiccuping-sob in response as Kuroo pulled him into a firm hug.

* * *

They stayed in that embrace for an unknowable stretch of time, just breathing, definitely still crying, whispering nonsensical words. Kenma, with his face pressed into Kuroo’s neck, sniffled slightly as he whispered.

“I love you too Kuro” a slight jump showing he’d been heard. Kuroo mumbled something under his breath about cute kittens, pulling away from the embrace before responding.

“Babe, I’m supposed to be the cool one, and you’re going to make me cry!” Kenma rolled his eyes, reaching up to wipe away some of his idiot boyfriend’s tears.

“You’re already crying dumbass” he muttered, a slight smile making the teasing featherlight. Kuroo snorted, rolling his eyes as he spoke.

“Shush! Just come here!” he groused through a grin, grabbing Kenma’s face to pepper with light kisses, earning a startled laugh as a reward. Kuroo pulled back slightly to press their foreheads together, locking eyes. “I love you~ Kenma~” he sang obnoxiously. 

“I take it back, you’re insufferable, you don’t deserve me” he attempted to curl his lip in disgust, but it just became another fragile smile. Kuroo eyed his expression carefully before responding.

“Hey, if I ever decide I hate how you stack the dishwasher or something? I’ll tell you okay” he poked at Kenma’s ribs, giving his underlying promise with a gentle smile and serious eyes. Kenma nodded awkwardly, responding in a stilted tone.

“But Kuro, what if I want to have the cups facing upwards to catch the soapy water?” Kenma had only meant to crack a dumb joke, but Kuroo’s face of utter disgust sent him into a fit of giggles. Kuroo’s horrified exclamations muffled as Kenma flopped backwards into the blankets. His grumbling boyfriend soon followed him. As his giggles finally subsided Kenma turned to face Kuroo, tugging at that ridiculous bedhead. Kuroo responded by flicking his nose and kissing his forehead again. 

Kenma yawned, eyes heavy with exhaustion from such an emotional rollercoaster. His boyfriend smiled sweetly at him in response. Kuroo reached out to pull the covers across them, protectively wrapping himself around Kenma as he shielded them both from the cold of the air conditioner. 

Thrumming quietly in the room.

**Author's Note:**

> So I may have made myself nearly cry writing this, but that's fine. I really went wild with this prompt, I didn't expect it to get this long...
> 
> Anyway come check out my writing tumblr @wolverrinawrites to request things and see my other stuff! Mwah!


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